The Patterns

Confessions from a recovering corporate perfectionist and people-pleaser

The patterns started early.

As a kid, I was that annoying teacher’s pet who always did her homework and got straight A’s eventually becoming Valedictorian. I learned that trying to be the “perfect little obedient girl” kept people happy and that kept me “safe”.

Be perfect.

Always smile.

Don’t say no.

Don’t be difficult.

Don’t think about your own needs.

Stay safe.

After college, I carried that pattern straight into my career and never looked back.

I built my whole sense of safety around being indispensable to other people. When the environment was stable, I was okay. When it wasn’t, I found the next safe place, made myself useful, and kept going.

The problem is that nothing stays stable forever, and every time something shifted, I just adapted and buried it deeper.

I mistakenly thought it was ambition. Everything looked respectable from the outside.
I spent many years at huge corporations, working alongside CEOs. There were all these perks of striving for perfection; steady paychecks, health insurance, retirement plans, “stability”.

However, constantly performing the role of the people pleasing perfectionist came at a high price, and my body eventually put a stop to that.

I ended up in the hospital from stress and eventually was laid off from my job at the age of 59.

Corporate had no use for me anymore once I dropped the mask.

Looking back now, I realize that I was living an impossible standard I set for myself, and I was in an environment where impossible standards were rewarded…any mistake made was a threat to your livelihood. I wasn’t crazy. That threat was real.

So, why the heck am I telling you this?

Before you build your new business, ask yourself one question:

Are the decisions you’re making coming from what you truly want, or from patterns you’ve been running your whole life without knowing it?

Those early patterns don’t disappear, they follow you straight into your business, into every decision you make, whether you see them or not.

Here’s How Perfectionism Shows Up:

• Rewriting your website 50 times before publishing because it’s not perfect

• Waiting until everything is ready before you launch anything.

• Over-delivering on every offer because good enough never feels good enough.

• Setting high standards for yourself that you’d never hold anyone else to.

• Avoiding visibility because if it’s not perfect, why bother.

Here’s How People Pleasing Shows Up:

• Undercharging because asking for what you’re worth feels greedy or pushy.

• Saying yes to the wrong clients because you don’t want to disappoint anyone.

• Apologizing constantly. For your prices, your boundaries, your opinions.

• Needing a client to like you as a person before you can close the sale.

• Taking every “no” personally, like it means something is wrong with you.

• Building your business around what looks credible to others instead of what actually works for you.

Life is so different now

In my new business as a coach for women, I am radically patient and kind with myself. I’m still working through my patterns. The difference is that now I can see them, and seeing them means I get to choose differently. I’ve made some great strides.

I try to help my clients so they can be aware of these patterns too.

I would say that if any of this resonates, just start there…notice, don’t judge.
You don’t have to fix everything at once. Unwinding from these habits will be an ongoing process, but life gets so much better once you do.

Above all, be patient with yourself and be the kind of boss to yourself that nobody else ever was.